role models

i once read that sylvia plath did all of her writing for ariel in the mornings before her children woke up. i attempted to do that once, but i would have to get up at 5 am every morning. i don't know how isabel can go to bed at 10 pm and get up at 6 am on a saturday. i have a couple of friends, one of whom has a seven year old and an infant, who get up every single morning beforeand go to the gym, or run, or whatever it is they do. i can barely get myself out of the bed at 8 am on the weekends.

i feel run down and out of shape. i haven't been to yoga in at least a month. it seemed like one thing or another was getting in the way of me going. jason was working one week, then i contracted a god awful sinus infection, there was someone's birthday in there, then we were out of town, then jason was out of town, and now i have run out of excuses.

my back is killing me, i'm falling apart.

i need to pick up some proofreading jobs. i love doing it, it feeds my need to criticize without annoying my husband and children.

today is the big day to inspect the bees. hopefully, they have accepted the queen and there are bunches of little bee eggs in there.

i have to go grocery shopping today, we have been eating the bare bones of the pantry for the past four days. yay recession! it has been many meals of pasta, beans, leftovers, and eggs.

a slow and steady hum

i am transfixed by the bees in the backyard. if i walk out there and they aren't buzzing around, i am disappointed. the weather has not been very bee friendly. today, i was watching them being buffeted about by the wind,trying to maintain their flight path.

i know i am the biggest bee phobe. well, actually, i have a phobia of stinging insects. as a new beekeeper's wife, i have to distinguish. when jason became determined to have a beehive, i became extremely nervous. he assured me over and over that there were docile and that stinging something was a last resort option for them, as unlike wasps, they die when they use their stingers. i was still nervous.

i am now cautiously relaxed around them, if that is such a state of being. i have touched the hive to see if i can feel the vibrations of their work, i took them out a small dish of water with pieces of cork in it for them to drink, i felt guilty for an entire evening when i realized when i was backing away from the hive i had accidentally smashed one with my flip flop, and i could sit on the grass about three feet from the hive and watch them for hours. i do not take the lid of the hive off and when jason had to refill the feeder, i kept a fair distance. i do not, however, experience the paralyzing panic i used to feel as a child when a flying insect would buzz near my head.

they are soothing to watch. they are so determined, so efficient, and so pretty. the colors of their abdomen start as a honey yellow and melt into a caramel. when the wind isn't blowing and there isn't a tremendous amount of traffic on the expressway, you can distinctly hear a humming from the hive. i wish i had better photos of them to post.

so, the bees are my newest form of therapy. i can almost feel a little more centered when i watch them, which is so ironic considering i spent every warm weather month as a child running away from them.