so here it goes

tuesday is my official start to the week of household nonsense. you know it is going to be crazy when i am already cracking open a bottle of wine at 9 am. heehee. seriously. i am making short ribs in the slow cooker and i needed red wine for the deglazing.

this is my list.

• short ribs in the slow cooker
• check and return emails
• make beds
• put laundry away
• unload the dishwasher
  
• clean fridge
• make grocery list
• grocery shop
• bag up clothes for purple heart
  
• clean basement

cleaning the basement also looks like this- sweep laundry room, change cat litter, pick up jason's beer bottles which are scattered every where, sort toys for purple heart, clean off the desk, sort books in the book case, move bookcase to the studio, sort magazines and board games, vaccuum.

now all of these things don't demonstrate the fact that i will be interrupted by a two year old every five to seven minutes, or that the phone will ring just when i am getting ready to vaccuum or leave for the grocery store. there is also a two hour period when aforementioned two year old takes a nap and that means i cannot do anything that makes noise.

i have decided to attempt to become more organized, which isn't easy when you are as much of a clutterer as i am. plus, isabel is as bad as i am and i really need to nip that in the bud.

my week off and my weekend sucked. i love spending saturday night and sunday morning muttering expletives at my spouse. i also am so proud that when sylvie asked why i was so upset sunday morning my mature response was, "because your father is a selfish asshole who only does the things that he wants to do." nice.

my mom had a party saturday night that i didn't really want to go to, but my brother's fiancee was going to be there alone and frankly, the idea of getting out of the house and having adult conversation, albeit with sycophants from shrine, was somewhat appealing. unfortunately, jason and isabel ganged up on me and we ended up not going. instead, we had dinner and jason fell asleep on the couch while i got overtired kids to bed. i am so sick of being bored to tears.

not that i have any shortage of things i could be doing. i just need a break from household and kid related stuff. i want to go out for an hour, have a glass of wine, a cup of coffee, wander around borders or the mall, get my hair cut....things like that.

i am slowly being driven to the point of walking out the door and not coming back for at least 24 hours. i guess not that slowly.

sylvie was up until 2 am monday morning with nightmares of spiders and green bears at the windows.

i want to download all of this season of "how i met your mother" from itunes, but jason doesn't want to watch it on the laptop.

i think i may find guitar lessons or piano lessons for isabel.

i am going to start speaking french again. i so impressed myself and jason when we were surfing french craigslist and i could read pretty much every ad.

crap, i need to find 40 minutes to work out. that may be my naptime activity.

i am looking forward to march 21st, 26th, and 28th.

i think sylvie's stomach is really a bottomless pit.

i want to buy twister. we watch it every time it is on and i really love that movie, it is so ridiculous. vicky cristina barcelona is coming from netflix today. yay.

ok, enough wasting time. i have a list to complete.

stressed out on a thursday

i am no good with clever titles. sometimes i am, but not today. my brain hurts.

i think i need to flush out my karma. something has a shadow over me, despite the gorgeously brilliant blue sky outside. it is beautiful out there and i should be outside enjoying it. i should be finishing with the halloween decorations, digging up my sage and basil, cutting down my perennials, going for a walk...anything other than sitting on my couch wallowing.

and that is what i am doing. the past 18 hours have not been the greatest. my grandmother has cancer, but we were under the impression that while it is in fact terminal, she had a while. my uncle came over unannounced last night after dinner, this is something he never does. he lives with her and it is his feeling in his gut that she doesn't have much longer. thanksgiving, beginning of december at the latest. i am calm. i am fine. i grieved two months ago when we first found out her cancer had returned with a vengeance. i spent hours in a heap on the floor of my bathroom with snot running down my face and my daughters sitting outside the door completely perplexed. the thought of her death breaks my heart. this woman, who is not biologically related to me, is the only grandma i had a relationship with. she spoiled me and loved me, but also was a source of friction between my mom and i and my brothers. i, the adopted one, was the favored grandchild. maybe she did it on purpose. maybe she felt the need to make up for the fact i wasn't biologically her grandchild by overdoing it. there were times that she made my biology an issue and sometimes made me more aware of slights and insults than i should have been. maybe they weren't even slights, maybe it was all in her head and projected into mine. either way, when she does pass, it isn't going to be pretty. she has a complicated relationship with every one in her life and that isn't complicated in a good way.

when is complicated ever good?

what else has happened? hmmm...i am suffering from my usual autumn sinus issues which keep me from sleeping well at night. i end up sleeping with my mouth open since my nasal passages are cemented shut, which leads to snoring, which means jason doesn't sleep either. the sinus issue also puts a damper on any bedroom activity for that matter. which makes me crabby. not that i feel like engaging in any of that activity anyway, i have found that i have put on at least 7 pounds in the past three weeks, this makes me feel unattractive. i can barely look at my self in the mirror as i am getting dressed let alone be naked in front of someone.

yes, i know, i gave birth to his children and he has seen me in all my undignified glory. but that was in the process of giving life. it doesn't matter. childbirth is supposed to be beautiful, human, and messy all at once. no one wants to see a muffin top over a thong. or flannel pj pants for that matter, which is all i feel less like a sardine in these days.

my seven year old will not cooperate in the morning. she is worse than a teenager. she changes her outfit three times before school, she takes forever in the bathroom, and stomps around the house breathing heavy sighs when she does not get her way. when did 7 become the new 15?

my two year old and i spent the morning in the ER. when we got to isabel's school this morning, i had my coffee in one hand and sylvie wanted to be picked up in the other. i leaned over, as i do every morning, to grasp her with my free arm. she leaned back just as i scooped her and she fell about a foot to the cement on her head. not crying, she laid there. i pulled her up and she stared at me, wobbled and closed her eyes. my heart sank and i started to panic. i sat her down on a step and checked her pupils which were fine except she kept closing her eyes. still no crying. no lump on her head, which they say is worse. i put her in the car and she just sat there. i kept talking to her and she started to perk up a little bit and was even singing along with the cd. just as we got a half mile from the house, she started nodding off. i called the husband. after calling jason, we drove to the hospital, called my mom who ended up leaving a surgery and meeting us at our curtain area. the doctor examined her, said she was fine especially since sylvie decided to start talking to everyone and playing with her toys. so now she is taking a nap, which the doctor said was okay. i needed a drink after that morning.

i am sitting here on the couch. i should be doing dishes or one of those other things aforementioned, but i am not. i am going to procrastinate and maybe have a mini milky way.

and i have to ask, why is it in movies and television that when a couple starts kissing and they really get into it and you pretty much know they are going to have sex the man takes his shirt off first? i have never had that happen in real life. real males of our species tend to take off pants before shirts in my experience.