feeling the dust

how do you reach the point where you are having conversations through the bathroom door? where did you cross the threshold from not ever acknowledging that you or your partner had need of a bathroom to actually yelling from the toilet?

i have started planning the shower for my future sister-in-law. i have run into the expected roadblocks, well roadblock. my mother. i knew this would happen, but i thought that this time it would be different, but no, she just won't acknowledge that i am fully capable of planning a party and have done so on numerous occasions.

i thought we were going to watch "grey's anatomy", but we are waiting to hear jason's name on the michigan radio pledge drive.

i couldn't make it through revolutionary road, it was getting a little too close for comfort in some spots.

we only have nine days until toronto. i am looking forward to it.

i don't want to listen to marketplace tonight, it is too depressing.

got confused

what sense does that make? hmm...i don't know. if i had a nickel for every time i heard that question, well...i would have a tidy sum.

and no i don't think we live in a flood plain.

i get to go dancing this weekend. should i wear my sequin skirt or would it look like i was trying too hard? i may stick to jeans and a black tee. that was my main clubbing uniform.

i am so impressed with jason's handiwork. the landing is 99% finished and he framed all of the posters we have had for a million years and they are hung. after 6 years it looks like we actually live here.

i love that i no longer have to buy diapers.

i miss jason playing his guitar. he has not played in ages. it seems like he has traded in all the things that i fell in love with for more practical applications. that grieves me. he doesn't take fab photos anymore, he doesn't write songs, he watches far more television than he ever did. for someone who complains that everyone else is a sellout, he sure fits into the mold.

i need isabel to stop coughing.

i need to start working out again. my stomach has seen better days. i look like i am six months pregnant.

i am working on filling the house with daffodils.

i want to have a dinner party, but every weekend until my birthday seems to be occupied. what i really, really, really want to do is have a party where we have a feast a la under the tuscan sun in the backyard. we get a door and a bunch of chairs and a tablecloth and i wow everyone with my culinary capabilities.

for a weaned child, sylvie still seems to have a major fascination with my breasts.

i am worried about isabel. she seems to be transforming into a follower when she was such a leader when she was younger. she was the child in class that the teacher referred to when she needed good behavior exhibited. i refuse to have mediocre children.

i wonder if sylvie is an indigo child.

i need a better repertoire for bedtime songs. i need melanie to teach me her gaelic lullaby.

la, la, la

i need to be more joyous. i have come to many realizations. i need to be happier. i need to focus on nice things instead of the negative aspects of all of my life.

i need to think about him carrying sylvie to bed by her ankles while she squeals with glee. i need to think about him brushing my hair away from my neck while i am chopping garlic at the counter. i need to think about singing "i could have danced all night" two times every night to bouncing little girls in their beds.

how do you let the light enter in when everything has been so dark and dreary?

i miss victor garber.

poor sylv bumped her head on the coffee table while i was on the phone with the preschool today. that was the biggest goose egg on a forehead i have ever seen. it bumped out and was purple immediately.

i need to start writing again. not blogging, but writing. i stopped when i got the rejection letter from this american life, but honestly, it was a bit depressing for ira glass.

i am frustrated by the people that doubt me.

i am excited about saturday. and the following saturday...i am going to dance like an idiot and i do not care.

i still haven't finished vicky christina barcelona. i was waiting for jason, he said he wanted to watch it...he likes woody allen.

we watched "better off ted" last night. well, he watched it. i watched 10 minutes, i took advantage of sleeping kids and an empty shower. he said it was good and clever.

i wonder if they are going to ever air the final episodes of "eli stone" and "pushing daisies".

that's amore

i love my friends. i love that we can sit on a couch in sweatpants or jeans sipping wine or beer and talk about anything. and by anything, i mean anything, be it ridiculous or life altering. and we aren't ever sad when we are together. no matter what is weighing on our minds, the fact that there is someone sitting across from you listening to the hell that was your week is so reassuring.

i love my friends.

trader joe's has a new wine with a really complicated name. it is a zinfandel and it is yummy.

i think tommy walker needs to disappear.

my hair looks awesome. at least that is what my friends tell me.

i have way too many things on my list right now.

i didn't get the basement cleaned up. i suck.

i have to use jason's ipod to listen to my podcasts. i just can't clean the house without peter sagal or carl kasell.

i am looking forward to the edward cullen carb fest this weekend. woohoo!!

not that this is totally true

but i miss 1994. not all aspects of it, i was angsty, miserable and nerdy. but i do miss 90s fashion. with the 80s all the rage now, how much longer until i can wear long flowery dresses that have collars and button up the front? or baggy tees with tank tops underneath and a pair of ripped jeans? or a sundress with a t shirt under it, or a macrame style cardigan over it? i miss wearing my hair like this:

i am the queen of nostalgia. remember when we had no responsibilities? no kids, more money? i used to go out dancing every week, two or three times. not clubbing, mind you. i was too intellectual and snobbish to go clubbing, i went to clubs to dance, not pick up guys or get hammered. i loved to dance. i still love to dance.

we are going to the mega 80s in a couple of weeks. i am excited. it will be an older crowd, so i won't feel like some sort of flabby old cow trying to recapture her younger funner days in front of a bunch of skinny bitches in halter tops.

the other morning, i woke up feeling like it could be a new day. no more second guessing about decisions. i am just going to go with it and do it, instead of languishing in the world of "if only". at least that is what i keep telling myself. if only i were thinner, if only we had more money, if only the house was bigger, if only the house was cleaner, if only sylvie and isabel listened to me more, if only jason would relax, if only i wasn't so inept at social gatherings, if only we hadn't booked that vacation...i have a tendency to drive myself crazy.

there are days when i feel like eliza dolittle singing to freddie. show me.

i really like my new earrings.

jason doesn't want me to get my hair cut, but i may do it anyway. i could bring back the winona ryder look.

so here it goes

tuesday is my official start to the week of household nonsense. you know it is going to be crazy when i am already cracking open a bottle of wine at 9 am. heehee. seriously. i am making short ribs in the slow cooker and i needed red wine for the deglazing.

this is my list.

• short ribs in the slow cooker
• check and return emails
• make beds
• put laundry away
• unload the dishwasher
  
• clean fridge
• make grocery list
• grocery shop
• bag up clothes for purple heart
  
• clean basement

cleaning the basement also looks like this- sweep laundry room, change cat litter, pick up jason's beer bottles which are scattered every where, sort toys for purple heart, clean off the desk, sort books in the book case, move bookcase to the studio, sort magazines and board games, vaccuum.

now all of these things don't demonstrate the fact that i will be interrupted by a two year old every five to seven minutes, or that the phone will ring just when i am getting ready to vaccuum or leave for the grocery store. there is also a two hour period when aforementioned two year old takes a nap and that means i cannot do anything that makes noise.

i have decided to attempt to become more organized, which isn't easy when you are as much of a clutterer as i am. plus, isabel is as bad as i am and i really need to nip that in the bud.

my week off and my weekend sucked. i love spending saturday night and sunday morning muttering expletives at my spouse. i also am so proud that when sylvie asked why i was so upset sunday morning my mature response was, "because your father is a selfish asshole who only does the things that he wants to do." nice.

my mom had a party saturday night that i didn't really want to go to, but my brother's fiancee was going to be there alone and frankly, the idea of getting out of the house and having adult conversation, albeit with sycophants from shrine, was somewhat appealing. unfortunately, jason and isabel ganged up on me and we ended up not going. instead, we had dinner and jason fell asleep on the couch while i got overtired kids to bed. i am so sick of being bored to tears.

not that i have any shortage of things i could be doing. i just need a break from household and kid related stuff. i want to go out for an hour, have a glass of wine, a cup of coffee, wander around borders or the mall, get my hair cut....things like that.

i am slowly being driven to the point of walking out the door and not coming back for at least 24 hours. i guess not that slowly.

sylvie was up until 2 am monday morning with nightmares of spiders and green bears at the windows.

i want to download all of this season of "how i met your mother" from itunes, but jason doesn't want to watch it on the laptop.

i think i may find guitar lessons or piano lessons for isabel.

i am going to start speaking french again. i so impressed myself and jason when we were surfing french craigslist and i could read pretty much every ad.

crap, i need to find 40 minutes to work out. that may be my naptime activity.

i am looking forward to march 21st, 26th, and 28th.

i think sylvie's stomach is really a bottomless pit.

i want to buy twister. we watch it every time it is on and i really love that movie, it is so ridiculous. vicky cristina barcelona is coming from netflix today. yay.

ok, enough wasting time. i have a list to complete.